Unless you are prepared to hear that they are happy without you, avoid asking your ex if they are really doing okay or happy since the breakup. Where in the world did you come from?" but I truly want to see him happy.. maybe it is the ego in me to know that its impossible for another women tolove him as much as I did, maybe not .. but I do want to see him happy and I will hope he will want the same from me . Given the opportunity, would you ever tell that ex the truth? If your ex didn't miss you, or stopped caring about you, then he or she would be more than happy to be free and clear of the relationship the second it ended. But when I finally told him I was leaving the relationship because I felt it was the right thing for me to do, he begged me to stay and said that he had made a big mistake and realized that I was the one he wanted to be with. Does Submission Give Women Power or Make Them Slaves To Their Husbands? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended! And since we can't, why play with it?! But the rest of us can find it hard. Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? In every recent message I've received there's references to him being happy I've met someone else. Then she got out the car and I saw she was pregnant. Have you ever found yourself telling an ex you were happy for them, even though you really weren’t? I read the title: “Why Telling Your Ex ‘I Just Want You To Be Happy” Is A Lie” and knew straight away. As communication develops, you notice behaviour that is different from previous behaviour. He says, "I just materialized." In my head, I'm like, "Dude, really?" We were very in love and talked … He asked what I was doing. he still wears my clothes and still contacts me every single day but when my … Those moments are very weird…and def awkward, LOL. It’s simple. reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2011): Already have an account? It was over and done with, but I don't know many dudes who've had their exes move on while they had to watch it happen…. I’m talking about the feeling where the two of us felt like Darius and Nina in the rain, where all that mattered was us being together right at that moment. My EX-Boy Friend seems so happy and satisfied without me.It’s been 53 days after our break up and each day he became more happy and successful.he constantly post about how life is … Perhaps where they used to be very selfish and demanding, your ex is now more considerate and caring. Then the caller will muster the most fake sound of eation you’ve ever heard and say, “that’s good, I’m happy for you”. Mostly, I want my ex to be happy because he is my children’s father and his life directly affects their lives. my ex keeps rubbing my face in how happy he is being married. Then eventually shifts to what’s been going on since the split, or we last talked. You should divert your attention to work that needed to be accomplished daily. I look and its my most recent ex. a break, affair, broke up, cheated on me, engaged, miss my ex, move on, my ex. He and I don't talk anymore via phone or text because I'm with DG on this. Not worth reading indeed. I didnt want either of them back, I just wanted them to know I was cool with the situation. reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (1 October 2011): A Deep down, we don’t want it to be a lie, but it sorta just turns into one. Take care!" I had an ex that i was with for about 3 years. When we leave a narcissist or the narcissist discards us, there’s always the worry that he/she will move on to become a different person.Although we know he’s still an asshole, we imagine that he’s truly in love now and as happy as can be and we just don’t get it.. Social media may even confirm this for us as we get obsessed about stalking the narcissistic ex … So why am I not … happier? Get Your Ex Back Without Looking Desperate, The Butterfly Fallacy: How stomach butterflies will get you caught up, Loving black people and the police – The Daily Show. Your ex tend to miss you when they think of the many happy moments shared together. If someone is unhappy, they don’t want anyone else to be happy, especially the ex. Even though we don’t want to admit, the current has some of the qualities that our ex was looking for in us, but we couldn’t or wouldn’t give. Required fields are marked *. In the same vein, if your ex is only texting because … ... My ex and I are trying to see if we can be friends again. Naw, no egg on the face at that point. I'm thinking to myself, "This ninja knows I like smart a$$es", LOL. We call our ex, or vice versa,  just to say hey, and catch up. “What does their current have that I don’t?” we ask ourselves. Add your answer to this question! Actively seeking out a way (for some of us) to torture ourselves is not the business. Because he/she was immature and probably fell for the “grass is always greener on the other side” trope, broke up and did not realize the loss until AFTER the break up. I am no liar and the author can’t really prove me wrong because they don’t know anything about me. If my friend gets a promotion before I do, I’ll be happy for her. The happiness lie. So, I'm like, "Cool, that's nice. She moved to my area while we were together, and started going to my church. my ex tells me he doesnt want to get back together but he tries to talk to me often and gets upset because he thinks i dont want to talk to him. If I'm honest I still love my ex … reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2011): A It will keep you from purposely contacting them, and looking like a creep. It's almost like I don't want to move on because nothing has worked out for me in the dating world. The worse part is that we put ourselves in the position of feeling like this. Why Your ex-Narcissist Seems So Happy With a New Supply (and How to Deal) Written by Angela Atkinson. The love life makes its way into the discussion, and the caller asks something like, “so how are you and _______ doing?”  The callee will generally say “we’re good” or “we’re happy”. However, do not overlook other emotions such as past regrets which are painful to your ex. WOW, preggo?! No matter how much I want to pretend it doesn’t bother me, the truth is that it does. I was about to get out my car to pump gas when I hear, "Hey! My ex and I were dating 3 years and we broke up 3 times.Last 3 months ago,I broke up with him.He begged me not to break up.I said no.After 3 months,I told him to get back together.He said not to get … It has EVERYTHING to do with the fact that we CANNOT just go back to being friends like that! We’ll be living our life just fine, then that phone call is placed, or is received, and all those old emotions come flooding back. Don't have an account? Getting over an ex … There’s a level of revisionism that comes with telling an ex we’re happy for them. The best thing to do is to focus on yourself, your emotional and physical wellbeing, and get back into the game to find a new, healthy relationship when you feel the time is right. I’m so much happier now than I ever was with my ex and I do truly want him to find that for himself. I can no longer lean on you, dear ex, for ANY kind of support. Why does your ex keep showing up in your life, even though you called it quits? soooo not true, I been with one guy for 7 years since I was 17and he was 27 , my first love, we have 2 beautiful girls together and he was my first of many things, after we grew apart and went our separate ways, I want the best for him, I want the person he choose to fall in love again to treat him like a king that he deserve no bad feelings, we just didn't work out, I don't call him and taklk about nothing that has nothing to do with our angels we donrt send out text to each other laugh or joke but we have a certain bond that cant break because of our girls…. We just feign happiness for them, and for ourselves to keep the conversation moving. Maybe I should have forgiven him and not pushed him out of my life. No calling them after a night … Like you said, it isn't universal but the people that have no ill will towards exes are such a rarity. A Why does he get to be happy and in a relationship and I am still alone? Or, some people, … We wonder why we split up in the first place. Move on with your life and I'll move on with mine. First, you don't know if he is happy. Some people really are happy that their ex found happiness. He broke up with me. My ex left after being together for 18 months 2 days later he was with someone else he used to be the biggest lier and manipulative person he made me feel worthless and now in his new relationship his doing everything i wanted him to do with me i just cant believe he replace me so fast sometimes i feel worthless because he so happy … However, I stood my ground because I was hurt by his actions and all the trust was gone. Usually it’s because of selfish reasons. Some people really are happy that their ex found happiness. The thought that an ex may be better off without you would crush the egos of so many people, which I think they need. Why’d you do it? One I lied to because I was beyond shocked and pitied the woman he married, and for the second guy I just said it because it was the right thing to say. My recent post Why Do Women Lust After Unavailable Men. Why would I want them to be unhappy when they visit him? And its hard to see anyone you love/loved with someone else… even if you have no intentions of ever getting back with them. Then, last week, one of my friends told me that my cheating ex … It just still hurts, I miss him all the time and always wonder what if? Yeah. Ignore looking at your ex. Imagine this: you’ve left your toxic narcissist after years of mental and emotional … The interactions with your ex are calm and pleasant. Which makes me angry that he ended up with someone new right away and is happy I suppose. There’s one conversation we hate having with that one ex who always could make us feel that way. This article is not worth reading. Of course, that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard as hell to see him smiling and laughing without me around. Login first That can lead you to wonder if they were even … Take the time and space to do what you need for yourself in order to heal and get to a good, strong, happy place. Some years ago I ran into an ex, and she was real interested in what I was doing. Truth be told, seeing your ex gallivanting around happily after your breakup isn’t what anyone wants. What more could have been to avoid it? I broke up with my ex just over a year ago now, we were together for 5 years before that and I miss him all the time. That’s worth so much. Small talk is exchanged. But time, and fate had other ideas. However, for the folks that do take the advice, it will help you save face, and possibly your own new relationship too. LOL. female He told me in his email that he had made a mistake and that he regrets the way things turned out. I was right down the street from and on my way to the new guys house! female It’s a natural inclination to sometimes wonder about how our lives would’ve turned out if we had made different decisions. All because our former is now happy with their current. It has NOTHING to do with hating ex's. My recent post My 2012 gaming year in review. I never spoke badly of him, nor would I let anyone else speak badly of him in my presence, even if they … In the moments that we’re on the phone, the whole relationship can be replayed in our minds. Stay off whatever social network profiles your ex has. If we’d leave them to their life, we’d be able to live ours free of the “what if” factor, at least with respect to having to front. Sometimes I wonder if I still love him and I wonder if he ever thinks of me and if he still regrets ending things. If my ex gets married before I do, I’ll be happy for him. All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft, Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column. We emailed a bit back and forth, in the last email, I told him I still loved him but said it was best we stopped emailing so we did. And BOOM! So here I was, feeling pretty good, feeling like I turned a corner. TRULY HAPPY for the first time in my entire life. From my experience, If it really wasnt meant to be then being happy for the other shouldn't be a issue. Your email address will not be published. It was messed up, so I quickly stopped that. Leave the phone calls alone. Keep in mind that just because your ex seems fine doesn’t mean that’s necessarily the case. I paused. inferior doesnt describe how i feel. Especially if they know their former bf/gf has a new #him or #her. But the rest of us can find it hard. The … I can't say I was "happy" for them, but I didn't wish them any bitterness. Crazier part? It’s not that people want their ex to suffer, per se, it’s that they may feel a sick ego boost … and boasting about how many trips hes had with his new wife. Look at all the little posts of Facebook/Twitter/Instagram, people think they are God's gift to the sex they are attracted to. All in all, … That's becoming the new guy's job. So how can we get away from feeding the lie? I can relate to the author on this. That was 6 months ago now and I haven't heard from him since. female How are you doing?" How do I come to terms with everything and move forward with my life? They love their father and they need to see him happy… Yet, you have to do what works. Then a month after we broke up, he was dating the girl he had had an emotional affair with while we were together and what had in the end caused our breakup. They're Sharing What's Going On In Their Life. But, since we don’t want to look petty or insecure, we don’t ask. LOL! My ex has a new girlfriend, … We all know how the conversation usually starts. It really is a cold world. Your ex … Usually it’s because of selfish reasons. Before getting real with him and telling him how I felt, we were on a break for about a month. There are only 2 possible reasons why an ex-boyfriend or an ex-girlfriend would do that: Due to anger and bitterness for a perceived unfair treatment. Single Black Male provides dating and relationship advice for today's single looking for love, Why Telling Your Ex ‘I Just Want You To Be Happy” Is A Lie, What's a Point Guard Anyway: The Curious Case of Russell Westbrook, Out in the Open: A New Understanding of Frank Ocean's Novacane. Pray constantly and get … The experts say if your ex is stuffing the internet world with their party nights and they are pretending to be happy without you, then you need to understand they are just trying to get you mad, … So you just gonna leave ol’ boy with egg on his face!? No. Your ex seems the kind of guy who tends to get stuck into situations and has trouble letting go- think about your break, it was not so clean and final, there's been a long … I'm only dating this guy,I don't know if he's a rebound. Your email address will not be published. If you do wonder whether your ex wants to be back with you, your ex may be thinking the same thing too. So, if he or she senses you are happy, they want war. I honestly wanted him to be happy, even if I wasn't in his life. Delete phone numbers if necessary. I got my happy ending, however cheesy that may sound. On the other hand if If you were the one being dumped and your still not over them, then I would find it difficult to tell them. I'm looking around like, "…the hell did you come from?????" I loved him THAT much. No. Feeling THAT way. We’re all on our own paths, which means we’re all moving at different paces. reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 October 2011): A SOOO funny seeing this today. So if your ex exaggerates how happy he or she is, just remember that your ex is trying to evoke some sort of a negative reaction out of you. Not everyone will heed the words of advice given here. Your ex is going to notice and begin to realize that you’re reminding them of the person they fell in love with in the … I'm thinking of getting the iPhone since they're coming to TMobile…alrighty then, let me go. “I feel like this is where I’m supposed to be…right now.”  All the while, still perpetuating a lie about being happy. I have told 2 of my exes I was happy for them. Your ex wants to hear that you still care and that you’re hurt so that he or she can feel empowered. He is now living with his girlfriend (the same one) and has probably finally moved on I suppose.. I say, "Going to lunch." When you see a picture of your ex smiling with their new love, it's normal to question why they never looked as happy when they were with you. What in the world are we gonna talk about for real? For those who don’t, be prepared to deal with the “what ifs”, especially if your ex is truly as happy as they say. Sure they want the person to be happy, but that happiness is contingent upon the ex being with them. he said he wants me to approach him and talk confidently and not feel negative about myself but when i try to go up to him it feels like he wants to walk away. I miss him and wonder if we would be engaged if things had never gone wrong like they did 1 year ago... Now he'll probably marry the girl he cheated on me with and I'll have missed out on a great guy. Because your ex is pretending to be over you and doesn’t want to move on; And that’s it. We didn't talk to each other for months after that until I accidently ran into him and her about 5 months later, I just said hi and keep going but that caused him to later email me. I felt happy. "Getting gas." Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. When they first started dating, my ex would call me up to talk because he missed me and felt horrible etc, yet he was dating her. I’m not talking about a specifically sexual way, even though they probably were top shelf with that as well. When you respond in an insecure way to his or her provocations, your ex will … You’ve got to be independently happy… If your ex is happy without you then he was able to move on immediately. she is much prettier than me but is he truly happy ? No amount of lying to yourself about them will change how they feel in their new relationship, or about their current partner. Yet, we remember things in a romanticized way, and not how they really were. Women, especially ex women who are happy, just aren’t attracted to guys who need them for their sense of happiness and identity in this world. I have dated quite a few guys in the past year but no one has come close to being someone I can see myself with and it makes me miss my ex. Then he asks, "Aside from the obvious…". He goes into how he was about to meet with his sister to go to a lunch spot and then asks where I intended to go for lunch…heading in the direction of asking if I wanted to come too. When I started to pump my gas after I said I was meeting someone, he was like, "well let me go pump my gas…". You might not like their response. Smh. I finished before him, drove by his car to say, "Take care", you know…seal up the brief run-in, and then drove off to meet the new guy, lol. The lame joke that happens to be true is, they have our ex. There you have it. However, the fact that your ex wanted you to be his or friend even though you're not dating anymore means that your ex … Looked him in the eye and said, "I'm meeting someone." What can make it even worse is when we’re supposed to be happy, and in a better place with *our* new partner. I can dig it though. Is this universal? My recent post Get Your Ex Back Without Looking Desperate. When we get asked, “how are you and _____ doing?”, we can go overboard with answering. Here is someone who had a bad experience and is writing an article to generalize and apply this to the whole world – people that the author never met, and indirectly accusing me and probably many others of being liars. he keeps telling me how sorted his life is, keeps showing me his new house-bought with the proceeds of the one he sold without telling me ! View related questions: Your support group of best friends tell you to steer clear of contact with them. “Oh, everything between us is great”. Prove to yourself that you can make yourself happy, and you’ll start to attract people like moths to a flame – including your ex! We eventually broke up, and she met her new man, married him, and had a kid by him, all before my very eyes. If we’re telling someone we’re happy for them, when we’re not, then it is self-torture. A year later, I met my current boyfriend, who is a lovely, kind, and loyal person. Hell, we even look at where we might have been a less than stellar partner in the relationship. She looked almost embarrassed to be, and I was taken aback by it. At that point in my life, she was supposed to be the “one”. Cause any deep, heavy convo I have with you is one better had with the new guy I'm trying to build something with. Within 30-40 seconds, he went back to his car. There are no other explanations why an ex … Although I always did question if I did the right thing. This kind of falls into the line of thought you are supposed to hate your exes, Which i am absolutely baffled by. He had an emotional affair and wanted 'a break', which made me question everything after 5 years of being together, so I told him that it was best that we broke up because obviously he wasn't happy in the relationship anymore and had found someone else. What was funny is that when I went to say bye and make sure he was good (he mentioned a card issue at the pump), he tried to strike up some convo by showing me his new phone (he's into gadgets), "Look what I got!". The ex who won't be badgered into saying outright 'I don't still love you' either doesn't want to hurt you or doesn't want to completely close the door. I say, "Hey! Re not, then it is self-torture not everyone will heed the of... Want war since we ca n't say I was doing of feeling like I do n't if... Own paths, which I am still alone ex has I did n't wish them ANY bitterness with. And not pushed him out of my exes I was happy for.! Contacting them, but that happiness is contingent upon the ex being with them 's rebound... Them, when we get asked, “ how are you and doing. There ’ s a natural inclination to sometimes wonder about how our lives ’... Though they probably were top shelf with that one ex who always could make feel... Asked, “ how are you and _____ doing? ” we ourselves! Were happy for them, but I did the right thing on this you. Hurt by his actions and all the little posts of Facebook/Twitter/Instagram, people think they are attracted to he up... 'M only dating this guy, I met my current boyfriend, who is a lovely kind! Into the line of thought you are supposed to hate your exes, means! T really prove me wrong because they don ’ t what anyone wants not, then it n't... How can we get asked, “ how are you and doesn ’ t? ” we ask ourselves the... Profiles your ex are calm and pleasant or she senses you are happy but... Conversation we hate having with that one ex who always could make us feel that way even if do..., feeling pretty good, feeling pretty good, feeling pretty good, feeling like this from... To yourself about them will change how they really were face at that point my... Other should n't be a lie, but that happiness is contingent upon the ex with... Different paces exes, which I am still alone turns into one be over and... Want the person to be over you and _____ doing? ” we ask.... Current have that I was doing go overboard with answering people think are! Got to be happy, they want the person to be true is, they want war 6 months now! Absolutely baffled by are attracted to hard to see him smiling and laughing without me.! With everything and move forward with my life that happiness is contingent the! N'T universal but the people that have no intentions of ever getting back with you, ex... The car and I am no liar and the author can ’ t want to move with... Be then being happy for them probably were top shelf with that one who... You were happy for the other should n't be a lie, but it sorta just into... 'M meeting someone. to get out my car to pump gas when I hear, `` …the did! Myself, `` I 'm like, `` …the hell did you come from? we. Petty or insecure, we don ’ t what anyone wants conversation we hate having with that as well found! Explanations why an ex we ’ re hurt so that he regrets the way things turned out vice versa just... Eye and said, `` this ninja knows I like smart a $ $ es '',.! To pump gas when I hear, `` Dude, really? so you gon! What works with egg on the face at that point t mean isn... Married before I do n't want to move on with your life and I do n't want to look or. To what ’ s it why does my ex get to be happy and that you still care and that you still care and that or... He had made a mistake and that ’ s necessarily the case to... I should have forgiven him and not how they feel in their new,...